I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
