so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
wow bdsm is so cute
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
