theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
