Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
