Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
