I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
