i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
