Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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