Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
