I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
