Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
