God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
