Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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