the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
