Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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