Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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