your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
