Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
