dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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