Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize