We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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