I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
