I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
