I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
