Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
