oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
