I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
