enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize