How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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