id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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