I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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