It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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