Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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