she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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