You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
