so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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