Me. At least after what I've been through.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
