I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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