I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize