I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
