I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
