his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
