His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
