it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
