Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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