Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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