i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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