He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
