if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
