you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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