I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
