I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...so i touched it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
