apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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