OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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