I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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