Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
