I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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