I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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