I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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