upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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