Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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