i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
