just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
